Preseason CFB Awards

So, since we're about a month away from the start of the college football season, let's hand out some awards. These aren't your usual preseason Heisman, conference champions or major national title contenders, that's too formulaic and easy. Onto the awards...

The Homer Simpson Memorial "Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet?" Award- Pat White, QB, West Virginia I love the guy, he's a special talent and will rank among the all-time NCAA leaders for rushing yards by a QB. However, since his amazing freshman season he has been picked as a darkhorse Heisman contender on a team that is always picked as a possible national championship winner. Is this the year Mountaineer fans finally get their prayers answered. The fans have been getting their hopes up and maybe now that Steve Slaton and most of the defense is gone they can put together. It may not make much season, but neither have losses in 2 straight years to unranked teams at home when championships were at stake.

The Hunter Hearst Helmsley Memorial Award- Riley Dodge, QB, North Texas For those that don't know, Helmsley (HHH), of WWE/F fame has been getting heat for years that he only wins major titles because he married the boss' daughter. Well, nepotism always has a place in sports. Enter North Texas, who benefited by getting a top 10 HS QB recruit, Riley Dodge, because his dad coaches at NT. While nothing is 100% yet, he is a mortal lock to be the starting QB on a team that was 2-10 last year and returns superstar wideout Casey Fitzgerald. This reeks worse than the Mitch Mustain era at Arkansas, but who knows, maybe it will work out.

The "Maniac Cop Award"- Ben Mauk, QB, Cincinnati For anyone who has seen these horrible B-horror movies on Showtime, or any other low-budget cable channel at night, you know what I'm talking about. The cop just wouldn't die, and neither will Mauk, who apparently feels he will have to be forcibly removed from the college game before he officially ends his career. I know he's a better-than-average QB, but let's be honest, he screwed himself over by initially enrolling at Wake Forest. I mean, please, he had to have known that was career suicide, lol. Did he learn nothing from CJ Leak? On a personal note, I felt bad for CJ when he blew out his knee at WF, especially with his brother Chris' success at Florida, but still, it's like LeBron James going to college and playing for Akron.

The "Gee, Where Have I Heard That Before?" Award- This goes to 2 talented players, PJ Hill, RB, Wisconsin and Chris "Beanie" Wells, RB, Ohio State I'm tired of people always wanting to compare RBs from these two schools to Ron Dayne or Eddie George. Let's just face facts, these two schools produce RBs that put up a lot of yards; Michael Wiley, Pepe Pearson, Antonio Pittman, Anthony Davis, Michael Bennett. Ok, these schools usually have backs that put up a ton of yards, we get it, but Northern Illinois, Oregon, West Virginia and other schools have been doing the same, they just don't get their players overhyped every year.

The Halle Berry in "Catwoman" Lifetime Achievement Award- This goes to Missouri, Texas Tech and to a lesser extent, Oregon The Halle Berry mentions goes to the fact that sometimes one performance, either memorably bad, or so horribly heartbreaking that the stigma of it can never be erased. I'm sorry but some programs are so used to choking in big games that they just cannot change who they are. I don't care if Missouri has a ton of talent and returning starters, they will get beaten by one of the above A) Illinois in week 1, B) Texas, October 18th C) November 29th vs. Kansas or D) No, not all of the above but, Oklahoma, Texas or whoever they face in the Big 12 title game (assuming they make it there). I know Missouri and I know they couldn't win a big game to save their lives. They are not national title contenders. Texas Tech is good and will always make a bowl game while Mike Leach is coach thanks to their amazingly effective gimmick offense, but they won't ever unseat OU or Texas as Big 12 title contenders. They couldn't do it in a much weaker SWC and they won't now, even with all the hype. Lastly, Oregon, I hate to put them in here, they are such a consistent program, but with Dennis Dixon's injury last year, they are just never meant to be a legitimate national title contender. Dixon should have won the Heisman, faced Ohio State and possibly won the BCS title, but fate intervened. And that's what is going against these programs, fate, see Missouri in 1997 and having to face OU in the Big 12 title game rematch last year for proof.

Ok, we're done for now, maybe we'll present some more later, but those are the select, special few that get preseason awards for the moment. All the other nominees who didn't get selected, enjoy your consolation prizes.